Playing Chopsticks

When I go to Japanese restaurants in the US, I invariably see people grinding the ends of their two separated wooden chopsticks together, some so intensely that I wonder if they are trying to start a fire using the tinder of the nori on their tuna roll.

What do these people think they are doing, if they are, in fact, thinking at all? In Japan, you may rub the end of the chopsticks together briefly and without calling obvious attention to yourself, if there are large splinters which you actually think will get in your food. But excessive rubbing is considered just poor table manners. It is akin to wiping your tableware on your shirt in the US.

I imagine the reason most people get crazy with the chopsticks has little or nothing to do with the functionality of not eating processed wood, and more with the desire to say: "hey, look at me, I think I know something about eating in Asian restaurants, and am going to go way out of my way to broadcast it to the rest of the restaurant through a behavior I myself only vaguely understand." There is a word for this: "Orientalism."

Not only are these people missing the point of the chopstick rubbing in the first place, they are going out of their way to call attention to themselves, which is one of the most foreign things to do in Japan, a society that gives gold stars for conformity, manners and humility.

So if you are going to rub your wooden chopsticks together: do it only if there are big splinters, and be as inconspicuous as possible. Do not hold them in front of your face and go crazy like it is some kind of interpretive dance or sacrificial sushi rite.

Other chopsticks manners to follow if you really want to appear "in the know:" 1) It's ok to pass things with chopsticks, but never chopsticks to chopsticks, and 2) Never stab the chopsticks directly in the rice to rest them -- these mimic the passing of cremated bones and placement of chopsticks in the ashes of the deceased at a Japanese funeral ceremony, and as such are big no no's.

3) When you want to rest the chopsticks, use the small chopstick rest if there is one, rest the business ends on one of your individual serving plates, or lay them flat across a rice bowl. 4) When you are done, you can place wooden chopsticks back into their paper package if you want to be extra fancy.

But when you do these things, do them calmly, subtly and out of cultural respect, and never as a self-conscious braggart, because then you're only showing off what you don't know.